I vow to provide direct care to my mother until her disease says no it’s time to let go… B. Miller
My sister declares I have Mother Wit when it comes to the care of our Mother. A friend refers to me as the ‘Keystone” (one who takes the lead). I refer to myself as my Mother’s Mother… because our roles have reversed and believe me it is an intimidating and frightening reversal. She is still the ‘leader of the band” but time has slowed her march. The baton has been passed to me. It is a calling I approached with love and compassion but it is nevertheless often terrifying and unsettling. My siblings and I have made a pact “no nursing home” however as the confusion of memory grows dimmer I know we will need to call in reinforcements at a higher pay grade than ourselves. She is our first love the one who stayed when our father said goodbye, the one who stuck it out through the emptiness of a father in flight.
“I was born for a time such as this.” I join the tribe of daughters honoring and nurturing their mothers through the fear of everything. To live long enough to enter into the place where all of life is viewed as suspicious is a scary place to reside. I have a list of intentions for 2019 one is to practice the mindfulness of letting go in the hopes that if my mind lives long enough to reside in a much older body I will not take grief and regret with me as companions. And so I turn my life over to Divine Wisdom, God knows all I have experienced from the very beginning of my life the things I still hold with sadness and regret and need to release. From this day forward I am an open and willing vessel ready to receive the very best within my mind, my heart, my body temple and my life.
AND SO IT IS, AND SO I LET IT BE, AMEN…….
Happy New Year